Welcome Silvia.

She's here! She's here! On Tuesday April 19th at 9:29 PM Silvia came into this world. She was welcomed by two anxious new parents, her abuela, me, Erik, my mom, and my daughter Ysabel. She weighed in at 8 lbs 10 oz and was measured at 21 inches long.

My due date was April 15th and Silvia was showing no signs of coming out. I had been trying to stay active and with two elementary school-age kids it is very easy to do that. I spent the days taking my kids to school, baseball & softball games, oh and my daughter was nice enough to throw in 5 day virus in there. So I was pretty busy and by the time Monday came I thought "OK this is too much. We have people wanting and WAITING to me you Silvia. You need to come out!"  So my mom and I went on a lovely 2 mile walk through Sycamore Grove. And afterwards we ran some errands. By the evening I was feeling tired but no contractions. I started to think that this was never going to happen but then by 9 pm I started feeling very.....weird. I felt anxious. I felt that she was very low and that if I moved too fast, she would fall out!
Erik and I were planning to .."you know. wink wink" to hopefully get labor started but I told him no. " I feel that she is so low you might poke her in the head"  (i know it's impossible but that's how low she felt.)  I went to bed that night and told Erik " I think that she is coming tomorrow. I don't think you should go to work tomorrow"  

Tuesday morning I woke up and did my normal routine. I got out of bed, went downstairs, turned the morning news on, made coffee and went to the bathroom. After I sat down on the sofa and checked Facebook. I made a comment on friends page and put my phone down. That's when I felt it.  My water broke. It was so clear and I knew exactly what happened when it did. It felt like a pop. My head popped up and I awkwardly ran to the bathroom (to double check) and then ran upstairs to where Erik was about to be awakened.  We got the kids up and had Shaun get ready for school. Ysabel was going to be coming with me to the hospital and her bag had been packed for several days. I called Labor and Delivery (there was room) and then I called my mom.  Within the hour I had my mom, my brother and a close family friend (my brother and friend had stayed at my moms the night before) , Erik, and the kids all in the kitchen eating breakfast. If you know my brother then you know the comedic chaos that comes with Nehemiah. I was laughing so much that if I had another hour there then I would have given birth right there in my kitchen.

After dropping off Shaun at school we were on our way to Walnut Creek. The parents were called and everyone was very excited to see Silvia. We just didn't know when that would be.  After being admitted I was in my delivery room by 11:30. I was given a medication to help kick start labor since (according to the midwife) I was not in full labor yet. The water leaking could have fooled me but......
I was told not to eat anything until an hour after taking the meds, and I was starving!!! So as soon as I got the clear I headed down to the cafeteria with Erik and Ysabel to grab some food. That's when the contractions really started. They were occurring every 2-3 minutes and were coming strong. I had to finish my food in between contractions but I was so hungry I didn't seem to mind much. The three of us took the long way back to the L&D floor and Ysabel was showing me her new found hiding spots. When we got back to the room I spent the next couple of hours breathing through each contraction. I wanted to wait a little longer until I asked for Epidural. I was afraid that if I took it took soon then it would slow the labor down.  The thing I love about Kaiser is that they let you walk around while you are in labor. I loved be free to do that. At the other hospital that I have delivered at, I felt I was a prisoner chained to my bed. I was not allowed to move much. But this labor was so wonderfully different . I loved having the freedom to move around at my own leisure.  I went for another walk with my mom and Ysabel. For every contraction we stopped and took some time to breathe it out. By the time I got back to the room--- I was done. I asked for the epidural and within an hour I was calmer and began to rest and wait.

Now the last time I had epidural I was pushing within an hour of receiving the meds. But not this time. We all waited and waited for me to get the urge to push but nothing came. By 8:00 they checked me and said that I was at 10cm and maybe we should start pushing. The only thing was that the nurse was unable to find anybody to help deliver. Apparently all the midwives were busy delivering other babies. So since I didn't have the urge to push I was told to wait about an hour and by then someone should be available.

By 9:00 pm we had the room full. It was time. Time for Beatriz and Ramon to meet Silvia.  I put my hands on my belly and said a prayer and goodbye to Silvia. I promised her I would push good so that she would come out fast.I told her that I loved having her in my belly but it was time to leave and meet her mom and dad.   I started pushing at 9:05 pm. It was so perfect. Erik put on Hawaiian music and we were laughing as I was pushing. I felt so calm and at peace with what I was doing. I don't think I could have wanted it any different. At 9:29pm Silvia poked her head (and hand) out.  . Her hand was across her neck as she was coming out. So instead of shoulders we saw little fingers.Erik said she had crawled out. Again the room was filled with laughter at the sight of that, which most of us had never seen before.

Then the moment came. The moment that I had been waiting for , for 2 years. When the parents saw and held their daughter for the first time. It was magical. The father cut the cord and the mom was able to hold her daughter. I heard the mom say "6 years", referring to how long she and her partner have been trying to conceive. With tears in my eyes I watched as my journey was coming to an end and theirs was beginning. I felt so proud of myself of what I had done. And as I write this now I am overcome with emotion and happiness. The tears that I cry are not of loss or sadness, They are joyful tears. I helped bring a family together. I did it. My husband did it. My kids did it. We all did it. I am so proud of my family, especially my daughter who was there the whole time and saw Silvia's birth. As the parents held Silvia I saw Ysabel right next to the baby. As she was being weighed , there was Ysabel watching, staring, so curious to see this little person who was growing inside of her mom. This person that she talked to, hugged and read to everyday for 9 months. Her surro-friend. It will be a memory that I will treasure forever.

Yesterday I was asked if I would do this again. It's a question that I have been asked before and my answer has always been the same. I stutter and am very hesitant, and careful on how to answer ...."ummmm. not sure." 
But yesterday my answer was so different and had no hesitation at all,  "Yes. Yes I would".

Bittersweet Feelings

****This was written before I had the baby but forgot to post.****


My due date is approaching fast. I can't beleive that it's here already. I am feeling mixed feelings right now. I am excited to be moving on but also a little sad because it is nearing the end. Some people have asked me how I am feeling about the end and I all I can say that it is bittersweet. I am both sad and happy. 

It's amazing to think that 2 years ago I began this journey. 2 years seems so long but it has gone by fast. I went through months of IVF injections. One failed transfer. One successful transfer. A loss of a twin. And 9 months of watching my belly grow and feeling this amazing person growing inside of me. I am so excited for the parents to meet thier new daughter. I wonder what she is going to look like? Will my delivery be easy? Will it be hard? When will I give birth? There are so many questions I am asking myself but there is one that seems to be the elephant in the room (or my head) "How will I feel when I am no longer pregnant?"  It's a question that I have been asked at least once a week since I started this whole thing. I never really thought about until lately. Actually I shouldnt say that since that sounds very naive and ignorant. But , for me, if I had any real concerns about the giving the baby away ...then I wouldn't have done this. I  know exactly what I am doing and what the outcome will be. But in the past few days I am thinking about this a little more. How will I feel? Will there be sadness? Will there be a sense of loss? Will I miss her? The truth is ....  I don't know. I just don't know. And thats my honest feelings. I am pretty sure I will be OK. After all I will have my family to support me and they have been so wonderful to me through all of this. I couldn't of asked for anything more.

A wonderful conversation

A few days I was getting breakfast at a local coffee shop when I struck up a conversation with a person who I see every time I come into the shop. He immediately noticed that I was pregnant and of course I explained right from the get go what I was doing. It turns out that he and wife went through 10 years of trying to conceive (TTC). Although they never get pregnant they were fortunate enough to adopt their daughter, who is now 18.  He said that Surrogacy wasn't as common as it is now and it's amazing the things they can do now. 
After a few more minutes I realized that we had been talking for a 30 minutes and I needed to go. So I started to get up and he said one more thing to me that will forever be stuck in my head.  With tears in his eyes he told me about the moment that he first held his daughter. He said that it was "an amazing feeling looking into her eyes for the first time, holding her tiny hands" He said all the years of struggling made it all worth it for this moment. "you are doing a wonderful thing". Of course if I see a grown man cry over his child , I cry.  So there we were , the two of us crying in a coffee shop. But what he had said resonated with me. I told him "what you just told me....that's what I am doing this. I want to give someone that kind of gift. I look forward to seeing the faces of the parents when they hold their daughter for the first time"  For me, that will make the past 2 years (how long this particular surrogacy process) worthwhile. 

Silvia, Ysabel's Sister Friend

I had a dream last night that I went into labor and my bag wasn't packed. And when I went to the L&D , they were mad at me since I didn't call to let them know that I was coming. Didn't enjoy that dream but it made me think that I probably should pack my bag soon. Also , my husband seems to be concerned (which is a rarity) about me going into labor. Are you ready? Should we do any practicing for labor? Do you remember how to breathe? It is so comforting to have him ask me those things. It makes me feel supported and taken care of.
   Silvia seems to be very active. She was moving around so much last night.Lately she moves mainly at night while I watch TV. She also moves alot when I go into Ysabel's room. I think she likes to hear Ysabel's voice. Sometimes when Erik sneezes it makes Silvia jump. She gets scared easily, poor baby.  But when she jumps , it makes me laugh. Erik sneezes really loud and sometimes it scares me too!

When I pick up Shaun and Ysabel at school , Ysabel's friends want to see my belly and talk to Silvia. They ask me where will she live? Who are her parents? Will they ever meet Silvia? A teacher told me yesterday that the girls were talking and they were asking what will Silvia be to Ysabel. Ysabel was unsure of what to call her but they all decided on "sister friend".  I don't think I could have come up with something better. Beautiful.

Words from the heart of some prospective parents who have fought hard to be mom and dad!

Everyday I speak with the Intended Mother. Most days it's a quick Hello, How are you? Your daughter is doing good. But sometimes it is a little more. For example today. The mom told me something that I thought was so beautiful and sums up (for me) this journey.
I will put in Spanish and English.

Yo también lo pienso, y me emociono mucho cuando lo imagino, es un sueño y una ilusión para lo que hemos luchado durante 6 años, con muchas decepciones y muy duro de superar , y dentro de un mes y medio podemos olvidarnos de todo lo malo, con nuestra hija en brazos, todo este tiempo valdrá la pena y el dolor de los abortos de la decepción de no sentir mi vientre fértil y que la vida se escapaba de mí, todo queda atrás y finalmente el olvido, todo gracias a ti y a Silvia

I also think of it, and get very excited when I think, is a dream and an illusion for which we fought for 6 years, with many disappointments and hard, and within a month and a half and we forget all our daughter in arms, all this time it will be worthwhile, and the pain of abortions the disappointment of not being fertile feeling in my belly that life was beyond me, all that is left behind and eventually be forgotten, all because of you and Silvia.

Pretty Sure My Belly Grew Overnight

I am 28 weeks today. And boy, do I feel it. A complete stranger came up to me two days ago and asked me "how many months are you" . I told him 6 months and he replied "Oh! Only 3 more to go!" Surprisingly , my first reaction was to ....punch him for the reminder. (Hormonal, ya think?) Of course I smiled at him but I couldn't help think "3 more months? Really?" I already am feeling big and now I have 3 months to get bigger. I know that compared to some women I am tiny but I am 32 years old and my body is not what it used to be. (I will be the first to admit that.) It's getting harder to move in bed. And I find myself making grunting noises as I switch positions. Interesting enough, my husband seems to be still turned on by it all. Which I don't mind. It's nice to know that my husband still thinks I am sexy even when I am not carrying his child.

Small tokens of appreciation

What a surprise! I came home to find flowers for me from the parents! It is so nice to have parents that are so grateful. I feel very lucky that we found each other.

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