Last night I lost it a little bit. I think I have the hormones to blame.
Everyday I am to take 3 different types of pills. One of these pills, Prometrium , I take every night at bedtime. Well last night for some reason I couldn't swollow the darn pill! Now noone really knows this but......I can't swallow large pills. Small pills I am fine with , but the bigger ones are difficult for me. The funny thing is though, is that these pills are capsules that are small and should be easy to swallow. Anyways I spent an hour last night trying to swallow the pill. By the time I FINALLY did I was crying. I just started balling. I was emabarrassed and I didn't want Erik to know, so i was "hiding" in my room. But I finally came downstairs and in between tears, I told him what I had just got done doing. I could tell he felt he bad, so he held me and told me that it was ok. It was wonderful. It made me feel so much better to have him there comforting me. His words were perfect and I needed to here them.

So far this week I have 1 and half meltdowns. I say half because the first one was at work, and my laptop getting a virus was my breaking point. But since I was at work, it didn't result in my sobbing. But boy , was I close! One day at a time, I suppose!

Bed rest

Today is day two of bed rest. I am getting a little antsy. I am allowed to walk for 5 mintues every hour but I am started to get anxious being in the hotel room.Erik took the kids to the pool so it is quiet right now. I feel a bit lonely with the kids not around.

Ysabel keeps on putting her hands on my belly and is saying to my belly " grow babies, grow" . She is so cute.

The progesterone that I am taking is kicking my butt. It is oil based and is forming lumps on my rear. It is very painful. As soon as the pain almost goes away , it is time for a new shot and the pain is back on the other side of my bum. Not fun. I have been told to ice, inject, massage and heat. Thats what I am doing but it is not working. ARRGHH! But is still worth it. I keep on thinking of the day that the baby/babies are handed over to the parents. That image will keep me going!

The Big day

Today was the transfer. I was very excited and everything went smoothly. The Dr. put in 3 embryos with the hope that at least one will stick. She said I have about an 80 percent chance of getting pregnant. Which is good! I know that the Intended parents(IP) want twins and i am praying that is what they get.
I have begun my bedrest and am already getting fidgety. I am allowed to get up for about 5 minutes every hour. I have been told to make sure that my heart rate does not elevate. Erik is here in San Diego with me as well as Shaun & Ysabel. The kids are excited to be back at the place where they were both born. they are excited to go sightseeing. I would love to be able to join but I am so happy that they get to spend this time with thier daddy. On Thursday is Erik's 30th birthday and it looks like he will spend the day with the kids at Legoland. Shaun is SO excited to go to Legoland. As for me while I am on bedrest I get to spend time reading, and watching movies.

On Friday I will head back to the clinic to get blood drawn and then it is back home for us! In two weeks I will take another blood test to confimr that I am pregnant. I pray the news will be good!!!

It's worth it

Well it’s been awhile since my last post. I have been holding off on blog writing since we were going through legals, contracts, sign here, initial here, initial there. But now that is all done and the real fun begins. Well , sort of, if you consider yourself sticking yourself with needles every day. I started off with taking birth controls everyday as well as prenatal vitamins and aspirin (it supposedly helps with the sticking of the embryo). I was instructed to stay on the placebo pills so that I can suppress my menstrual flow. After about two weeks I was to start my lupron shots. These are small shots that I give myself in the abdomen every day. These shots are fairly easy and cause little pain. At first I didn’t notice any side effects but as soon as I said out loud in conversation “ I don’t have any side effects” did I notice them . The most common for me would be the headaches. Another side effect that I experience was hot flash , or what I think is a hot flash. My first one was while I was in a meeting with my manager. As he was talking I just felt the walls closing in on me and I felt so hot. And not the-dancing-in-a-nightclub-with-your-girlfriends-hot. It was not very fun. Since then I have had one more episode like that. And of course they happen at the most inconvenient time. Oh well, it’s worth it.
Delestrogen is another shot that I am taking. It is an intermuscular shot that fills me up with estrogen. Estrogen, a steroid hormone produced by the ovaries, is normally elevated in the first half if the cycle in response to follicular growth. Both estrogen and progesterone is necessary to support the endometrial lining of the uterus, keeping it receptive to any embryos which may develop and sustain pregnancy. I take it every two days and this goes right in my rear. It was a little nerve wracking the first time. I mean, I had to stick a good size needle where the sun seldom shines numb the area for a few minutes before I stick to make it more comfortable. The most noticeable side effect that I experience with this med is breast tenderness. Much to my husband’s dismay. ;-) Another way that I am getting estrogen is through patches. These patches go on my bikini line and I change them every two days. The easiest thing I have to do so far. Easy or not, this is all worth it.
I went to an ultrasound appointment recently. When I sat in the office I asked the tech what is she looking for. She said that she is measuring the lining in my uterus. When she saw the ultrasound she said it looked “perfect”. YAY!! As she was cleaning up, one of the last things she said was “ If I was an embryo I would want to be right there”. And she pointed to my uterus on the screen. That made me feel so good. I was thinking it’s working! I am doing all the right things and it’s working. In a couple of days I will be flying to San Diego for one final ultrasound before the embryo transfer. Then, next week, Erik and I will take the kids out of school for a week and drive to San Diego where the transfer will take place and hopefully in two weeks we will know whether or not I am pregnant!

Tornado warnings.......in San Diego?

So the first part of the surrogate process is the screening. On Thursday I was to fly down to San Diego to meet with the fertility doctor. I was at the airport ready to go when I realized that my flight should have left already. I overheard a lady talking on the phone and said that ALL flights to San Diego had been cancelled. WHAT??? Sure enough the weather was so bad down there that Southwest cancelled their flights. After being on the phone with the agency and the clinic, my appointment and flight would be moved to Monday. That was fine by me, especially since there were tornado warnings down there.

What made me laugh though was that there were people who were actually upset! They were arguing with the agents demanding free hotels because they were going to have to stay another day. Like the weather is the airlines fault. Stupid people. ;-)

Since Erik had already taken two days off the previous week he was unable to take another day off. So my wonderful sister Nora was able to get the kids ready in the morning and take them to school so I can go to San Diego. When I landed (yay) I walked outside where I was greeted by the San Diego skyline, palm trees, and the SUN!!!! It was a beautiful San Diego day, which made think "why did we move again"?

When I got to the clinic I was met with the coordinator, Marlena and Dr. Arnold. I was given a whole lot of information regarding the medical side to the surrogacy. What meds I will be taking, how will I take them, how long will I take them etc. (I will post all that stuff later) Then came the part that I was waiting for. The hysteroscopy and ultrasound. The ultrasound was to check my ovaries and make srue they were in good shape. The hysteroscopy is a small camera that shows my uterus. The Dr. needs to make sure that my uterus is free of any "bad " ( fibroids or polyps) things that might prevent me from being a surrogate. Although for me, my uterus didn't look that impressive (kinda yucky if you ask me) the doctor thought it was great! Great surrogate candidate. Whew!


February 11th I begin my my first set of shots, that I will administer by myself, in my belly, nightly. Then at the end of the month I will begin my Progesterone shots that again, will be administered by myself right above my butt (any volunteers?) And a embryo transfer target date of March 17 or 18. Erik turns 30 on the 18th. I am going to be on bed rest for my husbands 30th birthday. When this is all done I will definitely owe him a big birthday ....something. ;-)

A few years ago after I had my daughter Ysabel I brought up the subject of surrogacy to my husband. He laughed and said I was crazy. I remember thinking maybe I am but I still would like to do it. Now here we are 2010 and it is becoming a reality. This blog will be a place to share my thoughts and feelings. A place where my family and friends can understand why this is so important to me and join me in this wonderful journey.

In 2009 I asked Erik again about surrogacy. Although this time I still got the same crazy comment he also didn't object to it. And with that I was online learning about the different agencies. I came across Extraordinary Conceptions based out of San Diego. After doing some research I applied to be a surrogate. It was a lengthy application that asked a lot of questions about my personal life, hobbies, family and the most important...... why?

I get this question alot. Why do you want to be a surrogate? I always think why not? I am young, healthy, and had two wonderful pregnancies that resulted in two absolutely perfect children. For me, helping another couple achieve their dream of having a family is the best gift that I can give. In my mind I visualize the parent's faces as they are handed their child. A child that I carried for them. I can't wait to see the first moment that they are holding their child. That moment, for me , is why I am doing this.