Monday I got the results of the pregnancy test- Negative. When I heard this my heart sank. I was so dissapointed. It didn't work? Are you serious? I did everything right. Took all the shots.Took all the medication. Took my prenatals.Took the aspirin that supposedly helps with the sticking. And nothing? I got the call as I was driving home from work on my way to pick up my kids from school. I so wanted to tell them good news. I wanted to tell everyone the good news. But at that moment I just cried.
My emotions came as a surprise to me. I wasn't expecting to feel the way that I did. So many thoughts come to my mind but failure is the number one. I failed. My body failed. And I am hearing from everybody how it wasn't my fault. The embryos just didn't implant. I have no control over that and I understand that. But deep down I feel like maybe I could have done something different. I feel like I let so many people down. Especially the Intended Parents. They were depending on me and I let them down. All eyes were on me and .....nothing.
Monday night was hard for me. Like I said before, I did not expect to have all these emotions. It's Thursday and I am able to think about without getting teary. Talking to people about it seems to help. And I have a great family that gives me support. I am not sure what the next step is but whatever it is I look forward to it. Even all the shots, pills, and hot flashes, nausea etc. I am so ready to do it again for the parents. Now, more than ever, I am determined to give them thier family.
