Special Visit from Spain

I am so excited ( and a little nervous) but today the Parents from Spain will be coming to California. ALthough I talk to the mom every day, I still am nervous to meet. Mainly because of the language barrier that we will have while in person. They speak Spanish and I speak English. I am sure everything will be fine but I can't help to feel this way. Tomorrow we will go to Danville where we are going to have a
4D ultrasound. Although they already know the gender of the baby, the parents will be able to see their child for the first time.I am so excited for them!!

Gender is..........

It's a Girl. Welcome world...Silvia!!!

Baby's Heartbeat.

I rented a fetal doppler so that i can hear and record the heartbeat. each time i email the parents with the heartbeat.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

2nd Trimester

We made it! We are officially in the second trimester. I know I am feeling a little more relieved and comfortable with the idea that this pregnancy is a go. I do think that the Ip's feel the same way. The mom has been nervous and cautious for weeks now. But I do think that is washing over and they are both getting used to the idea that 'This is it. They are going to Parents. Their dreams are finally coming true'.

Now the one thing they are asking themselves is the question ALL soon-to-be parents ask themsleves "what are we going to have? Boy or Girl". We will not find out until December when they will fly from Spain to California so that we can meet. I have scheduled a 4D ultrasound with a company here in the area. There the parents will see their child and find out....blue or pink?

As for me, the pregnancy is going smoothly. I am starting to show but I think I am at the stage where people are not sure. Is she pregnant or bloated? :-)
I am feeling the baby "flutter" but yesterday I experienced an actual "kick". It's nice to have everything going smoothly (for once) and this is starting to be a regular pregnancy.

belly pics 11 weeks

This is a spontaneous picture. Next time hair and makeup will be done.
;-)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

It just went away.......

The past two weeks have been filled with excitement, happiness, and sadness. When I had my first ultrasound we found out we were having twins! Everyone was very excited. We saw the two heartbeats and they looked so strong. But then when I had my first appointment with my OB doctor,it was a different story.

We first looked at Baby A and it was moving around and the heartbeat looked great. But then we moved to Baby B and it was not moving. No heartbeat. No movement. It was just ....'asleep'. The doctor was quiet and I finally got the nerve to ask " Is that one OK? I don't see a heartbeat..." It was awkward for the doctor , I could tell. She looked at me and said, it does not look good. She had my sent down to the radiology department where they could get a better look. But after all that, it was confirmed. There was only one baby. It just went away and this happens quite a bit for twins. It's called 'Vanishing Twin Syndrome'. The surviving baby and my body will absorb the nutrients from the baby, so in a way ....these babies will always be together. I think that's beautiful.

Still to this day I am not sure how to feel. Although this is not my child, it is still a part of me and I still feel a tremendous loss. The Intended Parents are wonderful through this. They have told me they have said goodbye to their child and now want me to focus on the one that is still thriving.

So that's what we will do. The IPs have told me that they have said goodbye to their child. I was comforted to hear that. I too have said goodbye to this baby and will move on. No more questions, or blaming myself. I have another baby to take care of ,because his parents are waiting to meet him. (and I am too)

And so it begins.....

Morning sickness. Or should I say Morning and evening sickness. Yup for the past week I have noticed a trend. I am feeling sick in the morning as I am trying to get myself and the kids ready for the day. Around 10ish I start feeling better , which is nice since I am at work. But when I get home I notice the sickness coming back. Just in time for dinner and putting the kids to bed. The evening is not too bad since the kids are really good about going to bed. They have a routine so it makes it pretty easy. But it sure is hard to cook dinner when your nauseous. I am thinking that making meals ahead of time are in the cards for me. I am not very good at that but will give it a shot. I know it will be worth it. Hey, maybe I can even get my husband to help!

Twins!!

Today I saw the tiny heartbeats of TWO perfect babies. Twins! I can't believe it! The blessing that they have been waiting for, will come as a "matching set".

Although I was not there (don't forget, they live in Spain), I imagined how they reacted. I am sure there was an excessive amount of kissing and hugging. How could there not be? They have waited for this day for so long- long before I came into the picture. They have been through so much heartbreak, disappointment and frustration. And now .....well I am sure they are a just able to breathe a sigh of relief. In nine months they will meet the special babies they have waited for for so long. In nine months they will be a mom and dad. In nine months they will be a family. In nine months they are going to be changing ALOT of diapers! Hmmm....maybe I should tell them to start stocking up. (Something tells me they already are)

Cuando usted esta embarazada entonces sere capaz dormir

I am pregnant! It worked. I still can't believe it. I actually found out on Monday. And as I sit in the waiting room to get my blood drawn , I can't stop thinking .....How many are in there. But we will find out soon enough. For now I will be happy knowing that the Intended Parents are expecting. Their dreams are coming true and I am a part of it. I can't express enough how happy and proud I am.
A few months ago I spoke with the IM. Since there is a major time difference I knew she was up very late. By this time we had already had one failed transfer and we were beginning a new cycle. I asked her
why she was up and she told me that she was having trouble sleeping. We talked for a little longer and then I had to go but I said to try and sleep and that we will speak soon. The last thing she said was "Cuando usted esta embarazada entonces sere capaz dormir". This translates to "When you are pregnant, then I will be able to sleep". I was touched. I hope she is sleeping now.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Day of transfer

Today was the transfer. The doctor transferred 3 really good embryos. There is a good chance that at least one will take. but sinc they are so good, there is 5-10 % chance that all 3 will take. If that were to happen then we would have the doc reduce it to two.
(a choice that can't be easy)
I am hopeful that this is going to work. I know how bad the Intended Parents want this to work. For next 3 days I will be on bed rest. I am allowed to get up for 5 mintues each hour,although I have decided not to do that very often. I have decided to keep my butt in bed for as long as possible. I want to do whatever it takes to make this work.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Happy Fourth of July!

Today is the fourth of July and a couple of days ago it was my 32nd birthday. The year is flying by so fast. Its been about 7 months since I was first introduced to Beatriz and Ramon and although I am not yet pregnant we are still trying to be. They are not giving up on me, which makes me happy. The egg retrieval (taking the eggs from the donor) is tentatively scheduled for July 22nd. It takes 5 days for the eggs to be ready to be transferred into my body. So that would put the embryo transfer on the 28 or so. Crossing my fingers that it works this time!

My Gestational Surrogacy Journey- A blog to share my story: Two times a charm

My Gestational Surrogacy Journey- A blog to share my story: Two times a charm

Two times a charm

It is the middle of June and we are starting a second cycle with a target transfer date int he middle of July. After getting a negative on the pregnancy test I reached out to the Intended parents but they were not ready to talk. I could understand why not. As confused and upset as I was, I knew it could not compare to what they were going through. And then it came to the decision of whether or not they would try again. I knew I was ready to start, but- were they?

I got word that they were going to try again (YAY) and that I would need to get back on the birth control pill so that I can prepare my body for the next cycle. And now I have stopped the pills and am on to the self injections of Lupron. Already, the ONE side effect that I get from this medication has come to join the party....Headaches! I am getting them all day long and the tylenol that I take doesnt seem to help much. Oh well. I won't be taking the lupron for very long and like I said before.....it's worth it.

So as begin the second cycle I am excited to have this work. I hope that I can make a very worthy couple parents. I hope that all their dreams come true and that they are able to share the joy that I am so fortunate to experience every day- being a parent.

***I changed the background image of my blog. It has a picture of a hummingbird. My mom always says that when you see a hummingbird , that means a baby is on it's way.***

It didn't work

Monday I got the results of the pregnancy test- Negative. When I heard this my heart sank. I was so dissapointed. It didn't work? Are you serious? I did everything right. Took all the shots.Took all the medication. Took my prenatals.Took the aspirin that supposedly helps with the sticking. And nothing? I got the call as I was driving home from work on my way to pick up my kids from school. I so wanted to tell them good news. I wanted to tell everyone the good news. But at that moment I just cried.

My emotions came as a surprise to me. I wasn't expecting to feel the way that I did. So many thoughts come to my mind but failure is the number one. I failed. My body failed. And I am hearing from everybody how it wasn't my fault. The embryos just didn't implant. I have no control over that and I understand that. But deep down I feel like maybe I could have done something different. I feel like I let so many people down. Especially the Intended Parents. They were depending on me and I let them down. All eyes were on me and .....nothing.

Monday night was hard for me. Like I said before, I did not expect to have all these emotions. It's Thursday and I am able to think about without getting teary. Talking to people about it seems to help. And I have a great family that gives me support. I am not sure what the next step is but whatever it is I look forward to it. Even all the shots, pills, and hot flashes, nausea etc. I am so ready to do it again for the parents. Now, more than ever, I am determined to give them thier family.

Last night I lost it a little bit. I think I have the hormones to blame.
Everyday I am to take 3 different types of pills. One of these pills, Prometrium , I take every night at bedtime. Well last night for some reason I couldn't swollow the darn pill! Now noone really knows this but......I can't swallow large pills. Small pills I am fine with , but the bigger ones are difficult for me. The funny thing is though, is that these pills are capsules that are small and should be easy to swallow. Anyways I spent an hour last night trying to swallow the pill. By the time I FINALLY did I was crying. I just started balling. I was emabarrassed and I didn't want Erik to know, so i was "hiding" in my room. But I finally came downstairs and in between tears, I told him what I had just got done doing. I could tell he felt he bad, so he held me and told me that it was ok. It was wonderful. It made me feel so much better to have him there comforting me. His words were perfect and I needed to here them.

So far this week I have 1 and half meltdowns. I say half because the first one was at work, and my laptop getting a virus was my breaking point. But since I was at work, it didn't result in my sobbing. But boy , was I close! One day at a time, I suppose!

Bed rest

Today is day two of bed rest. I am getting a little antsy. I am allowed to walk for 5 mintues every hour but I am started to get anxious being in the hotel room.Erik took the kids to the pool so it is quiet right now. I feel a bit lonely with the kids not around.

Ysabel keeps on putting her hands on my belly and is saying to my belly " grow babies, grow" . She is so cute.

The progesterone that I am taking is kicking my butt. It is oil based and is forming lumps on my rear. It is very painful. As soon as the pain almost goes away , it is time for a new shot and the pain is back on the other side of my bum. Not fun. I have been told to ice, inject, massage and heat. Thats what I am doing but it is not working. ARRGHH! But is still worth it. I keep on thinking of the day that the baby/babies are handed over to the parents. That image will keep me going!

The Big day

Today was the transfer. I was very excited and everything went smoothly. The Dr. put in 3 embryos with the hope that at least one will stick. She said I have about an 80 percent chance of getting pregnant. Which is good! I know that the Intended parents(IP) want twins and i am praying that is what they get.
I have begun my bedrest and am already getting fidgety. I am allowed to get up for about 5 minutes every hour. I have been told to make sure that my heart rate does not elevate. Erik is here in San Diego with me as well as Shaun & Ysabel. The kids are excited to be back at the place where they were both born. they are excited to go sightseeing. I would love to be able to join but I am so happy that they get to spend this time with thier daddy. On Thursday is Erik's 30th birthday and it looks like he will spend the day with the kids at Legoland. Shaun is SO excited to go to Legoland. As for me while I am on bedrest I get to spend time reading, and watching movies.

On Friday I will head back to the clinic to get blood drawn and then it is back home for us! In two weeks I will take another blood test to confimr that I am pregnant. I pray the news will be good!!!

It's worth it

Well it’s been awhile since my last post. I have been holding off on blog writing since we were going through legals, contracts, sign here, initial here, initial there. But now that is all done and the real fun begins. Well , sort of, if you consider yourself sticking yourself with needles every day. I started off with taking birth controls everyday as well as prenatal vitamins and aspirin (it supposedly helps with the sticking of the embryo). I was instructed to stay on the placebo pills so that I can suppress my menstrual flow. After about two weeks I was to start my lupron shots. These are small shots that I give myself in the abdomen every day. These shots are fairly easy and cause little pain. At first I didn’t notice any side effects but as soon as I said out loud in conversation “ I don’t have any side effects” did I notice them . The most common for me would be the headaches. Another side effect that I experience was hot flash , or what I think is a hot flash. My first one was while I was in a meeting with my manager. As he was talking I just felt the walls closing in on me and I felt so hot. And not the-dancing-in-a-nightclub-with-your-girlfriends-hot. It was not very fun. Since then I have had one more episode like that. And of course they happen at the most inconvenient time. Oh well, it’s worth it.
Delestrogen is another shot that I am taking. It is an intermuscular shot that fills me up with estrogen. Estrogen, a steroid hormone produced by the ovaries, is normally elevated in the first half if the cycle in response to follicular growth. Both estrogen and progesterone is necessary to support the endometrial lining of the uterus, keeping it receptive to any embryos which may develop and sustain pregnancy. I take it every two days and this goes right in my rear. It was a little nerve wracking the first time. I mean, I had to stick a good size needle where the sun seldom shines numb the area for a few minutes before I stick to make it more comfortable. The most noticeable side effect that I experience with this med is breast tenderness. Much to my husband’s dismay. ;-) Another way that I am getting estrogen is through patches. These patches go on my bikini line and I change them every two days. The easiest thing I have to do so far. Easy or not, this is all worth it.
I went to an ultrasound appointment recently. When I sat in the office I asked the tech what is she looking for. She said that she is measuring the lining in my uterus. When she saw the ultrasound she said it looked “perfect”. YAY!! As she was cleaning up, one of the last things she said was “ If I was an embryo I would want to be right there”. And she pointed to my uterus on the screen. That made me feel so good. I was thinking it’s working! I am doing all the right things and it’s working. In a couple of days I will be flying to San Diego for one final ultrasound before the embryo transfer. Then, next week, Erik and I will take the kids out of school for a week and drive to San Diego where the transfer will take place and hopefully in two weeks we will know whether or not I am pregnant!

Tornado warnings.......in San Diego?

So the first part of the surrogate process is the screening. On Thursday I was to fly down to San Diego to meet with the fertility doctor. I was at the airport ready to go when I realized that my flight should have left already. I overheard a lady talking on the phone and said that ALL flights to San Diego had been cancelled. WHAT??? Sure enough the weather was so bad down there that Southwest cancelled their flights. After being on the phone with the agency and the clinic, my appointment and flight would be moved to Monday. That was fine by me, especially since there were tornado warnings down there.

What made me laugh though was that there were people who were actually upset! They were arguing with the agents demanding free hotels because they were going to have to stay another day. Like the weather is the airlines fault. Stupid people. ;-)

Since Erik had already taken two days off the previous week he was unable to take another day off. So my wonderful sister Nora was able to get the kids ready in the morning and take them to school so I can go to San Diego. When I landed (yay) I walked outside where I was greeted by the San Diego skyline, palm trees, and the SUN!!!! It was a beautiful San Diego day, which made think "why did we move again"?

When I got to the clinic I was met with the coordinator, Marlena and Dr. Arnold. I was given a whole lot of information regarding the medical side to the surrogacy. What meds I will be taking, how will I take them, how long will I take them etc. (I will post all that stuff later) Then came the part that I was waiting for. The hysteroscopy and ultrasound. The ultrasound was to check my ovaries and make srue they were in good shape. The hysteroscopy is a small camera that shows my uterus. The Dr. needs to make sure that my uterus is free of any "bad " ( fibroids or polyps) things that might prevent me from being a surrogate. Although for me, my uterus didn't look that impressive (kinda yucky if you ask me) the doctor thought it was great! Great surrogate candidate. Whew!


February 11th I begin my my first set of shots, that I will administer by myself, in my belly, nightly. Then at the end of the month I will begin my Progesterone shots that again, will be administered by myself right above my butt (any volunteers?) And a embryo transfer target date of March 17 or 18. Erik turns 30 on the 18th. I am going to be on bed rest for my husbands 30th birthday. When this is all done I will definitely owe him a big birthday ....something. ;-)

A few years ago after I had my daughter Ysabel I brought up the subject of surrogacy to my husband. He laughed and said I was crazy. I remember thinking maybe I am but I still would like to do it. Now here we are 2010 and it is becoming a reality. This blog will be a place to share my thoughts and feelings. A place where my family and friends can understand why this is so important to me and join me in this wonderful journey.

In 2009 I asked Erik again about surrogacy. Although this time I still got the same crazy comment he also didn't object to it. And with that I was online learning about the different agencies. I came across Extraordinary Conceptions based out of San Diego. After doing some research I applied to be a surrogate. It was a lengthy application that asked a lot of questions about my personal life, hobbies, family and the most important...... why?

I get this question alot. Why do you want to be a surrogate? I always think why not? I am young, healthy, and had two wonderful pregnancies that resulted in two absolutely perfect children. For me, helping another couple achieve their dream of having a family is the best gift that I can give. In my mind I visualize the parent's faces as they are handed their child. A child that I carried for them. I can't wait to see the first moment that they are holding their child. That moment, for me , is why I am doing this.