It just went away.......

The past two weeks have been filled with excitement, happiness, and sadness. When I had my first ultrasound we found out we were having twins! Everyone was very excited. We saw the two heartbeats and they looked so strong. But then when I had my first appointment with my OB doctor,it was a different story.

We first looked at Baby A and it was moving around and the heartbeat looked great. But then we moved to Baby B and it was not moving. No heartbeat. No movement. It was just ....'asleep'. The doctor was quiet and I finally got the nerve to ask " Is that one OK? I don't see a heartbeat..." It was awkward for the doctor , I could tell. She looked at me and said, it does not look good. She had my sent down to the radiology department where they could get a better look. But after all that, it was confirmed. There was only one baby. It just went away and this happens quite a bit for twins. It's called 'Vanishing Twin Syndrome'. The surviving baby and my body will absorb the nutrients from the baby, so in a way ....these babies will always be together. I think that's beautiful.

Still to this day I am not sure how to feel. Although this is not my child, it is still a part of me and I still feel a tremendous loss. The Intended Parents are wonderful through this. They have told me they have said goodbye to their child and now want me to focus on the one that is still thriving.

So that's what we will do. The IPs have told me that they have said goodbye to their child. I was comforted to hear that. I too have said goodbye to this baby and will move on. No more questions, or blaming myself. I have another baby to take care of ,because his parents are waiting to meet him. (and I am too)