Bittersweet Feelings

****This was written before I had the baby but forgot to post.****


My due date is approaching fast. I can't beleive that it's here already. I am feeling mixed feelings right now. I am excited to be moving on but also a little sad because it is nearing the end. Some people have asked me how I am feeling about the end and I all I can say that it is bittersweet. I am both sad and happy. 

It's amazing to think that 2 years ago I began this journey. 2 years seems so long but it has gone by fast. I went through months of IVF injections. One failed transfer. One successful transfer. A loss of a twin. And 9 months of watching my belly grow and feeling this amazing person growing inside of me. I am so excited for the parents to meet thier new daughter. I wonder what she is going to look like? Will my delivery be easy? Will it be hard? When will I give birth? There are so many questions I am asking myself but there is one that seems to be the elephant in the room (or my head) "How will I feel when I am no longer pregnant?"  It's a question that I have been asked at least once a week since I started this whole thing. I never really thought about until lately. Actually I shouldnt say that since that sounds very naive and ignorant. But , for me, if I had any real concerns about the giving the baby away ...then I wouldn't have done this. I  know exactly what I am doing and what the outcome will be. But in the past few days I am thinking about this a little more. How will I feel? Will there be sadness? Will there be a sense of loss? Will I miss her? The truth is ....  I don't know. I just don't know. And thats my honest feelings. I am pretty sure I will be OK. After all I will have my family to support me and they have been so wonderful to me through all of this. I couldn't of asked for anything more.